America in Denial: Car Pigs

During my annual summer trip to New Jersey I did not see one Toyota Prius hybrid, but I did see herds of Cadillac Escalades wandering the turnpike like feral pigs; or, worse, lazily idling curbside with air-con blasting away, their drivers gabbing on cell phones.

Back in Seattle, I see the same overabundance of lumbering freeway-cloggers, mixed in with some Priuses. It's the same all over the country, even in our little self-imagined Cascadian Ecotopia. Hey Seattle rich folks: can you take the initiative and trade in your giant luxury cars and SUVs for something smaller? The rest of us might not be able to afford trading in our gas-guzzlers for something sane. But you can. If the government came in and properly regulated SUVs, while offering cash rebates and tax incentives as well, these dinosaurs would quickly become as extinct as, you know, dinosaurs.

Hypocrisy disclosure: my wife and I drive a compact Toyota pickup that gets crummy mileage, and our vintage Volvo wagon (purchased with our third occupant in mind) is a gas huffer. Mr. future president Obama, sir, when you get the chance could you please offer a cash rebate to people like me who want to trade in their oil chuggers for Priuses? We all know that the Prius is not small, Barak, and that it could crush the Geo Metro that the nuns who live across from us drive, but it's a start, dude, until Congress approves your radical re-structuring of the auto industry.

We're all in denial about little things, but I think ignoring the impact a big ugly car is having on the world is fairly swinous. You might as well be slapping a third world child in the face with that gas pump you clutch so frequently. I hear there's an oil war or two going on right now, and that the hottest new locales for property speculation are Antarctica and Greenland. Driving around with a stupid blank stare on your face, nursing your five dollar cup of coffee, is not going to improve our disturbing man-made weather patterns. Walk, take the bus, bike. Park the SUV. If you must stare stupidly, wear designer sunglasses.

Talk about denial: a look at the July 19 "Road Trip" advertising section of the Seattle P-I reveals that the auto industry's "hottest rides" are all SUVs. The Audi Q7, the Cadillac Escalade, the Honda Odyssey, the Chevy Suburban and, of course, the Range Rover. Nothing could be more appropriate for roving through Seattle's rugged ranges than a fat, stench-belching beast that grunts, "Outta my way. I'm a feral pig."